Heels! Heal thyself!

Goodness! North Carolina beats THE Florida State University in 5? Despite the best efforts of Stepanova, and Djurdjevic, and Milosavljevic and Brezhnev, and Oksana, and...

(Good to see that pipeline up and running so quickly.)

And how 'bout Horsmon? The Terps are suddenly relevant at 3-1 in the ACC, harshing Wake's latest buzz in five games.

And how 'bout that 5th game? Maryland hit .182, while Wake hit .000. That's what's referred to in the business as "ug-ly." (technical term)

Emily Danks cares not for our national pastime

Let's all learn a little about Emily Danks, big bruiser for the Buckeyes, shall we? The Columbus Dispatch wrote a nice little article about her recently, focusing on how her two brothers are successful baseball players, and yet she decided to play volleyball.


This seems odd, according to the article, "given that Emily Danks was, as she says, 'out of the womb, onto the baseball bleachers.'"


Well that certainly paints a picture. I'll never look at Wrigley Field the same way.


But, turns out that Danks was quite the girly-girl growing up, opting more for sugar and spice than bat and glove.


"I've never held a bat in my life," [Danks] said.


Never? Ever? You're going to tell me that a kid can grow up in Round Rock, Texas, and never have to hold a baseball bat? Never faced street punks in a dark alley? Never faced a pinata?


Anyway, despite her success, and her dad's assertion that she is his most talented child (THAT family reunion should be a lot of fun...), dad says that Danks is still missing a killer instinct.

"I used to offer her $5 in high-school volleyball games if she could go put the ball on anybody's face," he recalled, "and she'd go, 'Dad, we're not out there to do that.' And I'd say, 'Yes, you are.'"

Mmm. Tough love. So tough, that dad invented his own game called "Demerit" -- in case the game itself wasn't psychologically scarring enough -- to get the family to compete against each other.


"It starts out, 'Oh, this is so fun!' And then it ends like 'You can't do that! You're cheating! Mom!'"


Mom cheats at "Demerit"? 

Mizzou needs some help, yo.

Tigers lose to Ray's Jay... hawks in four. Maybe they should bring this guy with them on the road.

The match no one wanted to win.

Game one: Iowa State hits .200, Texas -.033.
Game two: Iowa State hits .000, Texas .407.
Game three: Iowa State hits .450, Texas -.040.
Game four: Iowa State hits .121, Texas .405.

Any chance both teams were trying to throw the match so they could get back home in time for the season premier of "Law & Order: Los Angeles"?

I'm surprised these teams didn't cancel each other out and create a wormhole to a parallel dimension or something.

Q.

"Our emotional maturity is growing." - Joel McCartney. I don't know what that means. [fart noise]


"Our cohesiveness is flowing right now." - LSU's Lauren Waclawczyk. Does cohesiveness come in liquid form now? I was under the impression it was only available as a pill.


"We floundered in games two and three." - Georgetown coach Arlisa Williams. I used to flounder, but now I just salmon. 


“I definitely can’t get assists without kills." - North Carolina setter Cora Harms. Deep. But can you get change without putting in your two cents?


"Katie and Sue didn't produce enough points in the first two sets. I was thrilled that we were at 1-1 without those two producing. I knew that they would start producing. They're too good players to not start producing." - Ohio's Ryan Theis. I'm gonna go out on a limb an say he's talking about producing.

"Sometimes it’s bad to go up 2-0,” UCSB's Kathy Gregory. What in the world is she talking about? Bad to go up 2-0? What kind of nonse-- “You start to have no fear and you relax.” I can't believe I'm going to agree with Kathy Gregory that teams should play with fear and on edge. 


"They make their money with being a big, physical blocking team. I kind of liken them to bullies." - Mark Rosen, making the bold claim that the Gophers make money from their blocking. Oh, and also that they're bullies (physically). But Mark, you should know that all you gotta do is hire the guy from "Chuck" and Matt Dillon will leave you alone. 

It's Monday, and the Chiefs are 3-0?!

Forget volleyball. When's the last time Chief fans still had something to cheer about three weekends into the season?


Big East doesn't stand on ceremony - I mean, we're used to the occasional bizarre Notre Dame loss, but... Marquette loses to the Hoyas? The Hall clamps down on L'ville? UConn loses to... everyone? No one values predictability anymore.

Wake and Bake - Demon Deacons are on the Pineapple Express! They swept Charlotte, Clemson, and Georgia Tech recently. It's the first win at Clemson out of the last nine times. Nine times? I don't remember Wake losing at Clemson nine times.

Elsewhere in the ACC (All-new Coaches Conference)... - (BTW, those new coaches ain't so new anymore, are they. Are they. Are they?) AIEEE! UNC is 3-0! And on an 8-match winning streak! Duke is 3-0 and 11-2 overall! WHY AM I YELLING.

Yes, yes, we get it. Penn State isn't invincible - Illini reinforce the lessons learned by Stanford, 17-15 in the fifth. Time for Penn State fans to avoid messageboards for a few weeks, and the rest of us to avoid the Rec Hall coaching offices. Just send a memo, get an intern to do it. 

But Northwestern might be...? - Cripes. They're 2-0 in the Big 10, 10-1 overall. Look, if I can't count on certain bedrock principles of reality, I'm gonna need to increase my lithium or listen to less Pink. I mean Floyd. Less Pink Floyd.

Is this the fight for the middle? - Penn State, Illinois are your early Big Ten( + 1 +N) favorites, but the Buckeyes made their bid for... whatever else there is by holding off a resurgent Badger team.  

Ducks. Nothing but Ducks. - That fowl smell isn't goose liver, it's the web-footed wonders flying in v-formation through their schedule as they play Washington and leave them with the bill. HA, ha... eh. (Do I still have time to work in a "knuckle-puck" reference?)

Cal rains on Rubio's parade - When do you hit .250 in a fifth game and not feel good? When the other team hits .375. (Ba-dum bum.)

When small, furry animals collide. - Michigan is the victor versus Minnesota. Probably should have seen this coming. Afterall, there's no one in the X-Men code-named "Gopher."

It's the 2010 Colorado! New and improved with 17 people you've never seen before! - With a sweep of the K schools, guess that super-industrial house cleaning did the trick. Whadda you use for one of those, a Kenmore? Dirt Devil? Or one of those thingies with the ball and vortex something-something, technology?

George beats James - (ahem) Mssrs. Mason, and Madison, had a very civilized duel twixt the two, from which Mssr. Mason emerged victorious, three sets to nil. Golf claps all around, kudos, well done old boy, etc. 

'Dogs beat Vols? - So, what does that mean? Do we have to, like, pay attention to Georgia now, especially after almost beating Kentucky? Honestly, I just don't have the time, so could someone just keep me updated? Thanks.

Dueling Quotes

Get out yer banjos:

"USC is always a great match" - Dicey McGraw

"All the numbers on paper would indicate our teams are pretty much even." - Mick Haley

"It doesn’t take that much to get fired up." - Dicey

"What I hope is that we don’t get too jacked up for the match" - Micky

"I keep telling the girls not to get too fired up for the ’SC game" - Sealy

"I think our kids will be all fired up" - Mick

"The emotion only lasts for about four points."  - Sealy

"They’ll be excited to play." - Mick

"They’re going to bring their best game, so we need to be ready at all times.” - Dicey

“I don’t think we’ll get overconfident." - Micky

"We try to practice every day like it’s a game situation." - Sealy


"We’ve got a whole laundry list of things we’re working on." - Micky

"The better volleyball team is going to win the match." - Sealy

"It’s pretty interesting to see who steps up in each of these matches." - Mick

Totally Unfair Picture Captions with Rob Patrick

"Look how clean my fingernails are. That doesn't happen by itself. Look at them. Gorgeous."

DeBruler back from mono D.L.

DeBruler has gotten over mono just in time for Penn State, y'all! Nittany Lions are about to get DeBruler...ized, or something.

"The woman who Illini head coach Kevin Hambly has coined the “god of Illini volleyball,” has sat on the bench for five matches."

Really? The god of Illini volleyball? Man, Eileen Harkins is NOT going to be happy when she reads that. Of course DeBruler was on the bench because she had mononucleosis (street name, "cooties").

“'It’s been two weeks, the only time we usually take a break like this is over Christmas break and summer,' DeBruler said. 'So this was something different, it was out of my element.'”

Fewer presents and sunblock, more fatigue and spleen swelling. Gotcha. By the way, DeBruler meant she was out of her element, right? 'Cause how is sitting on the bench out of DeBruler's element, right? Only you can be out of your own element, right? 

...or am I taking this too seriously. 

"'She’s good to go, she’s cranked,' Hambly said. 'If she’s 80 percent, she’s one of the best players in the country.'”

WOW, Hambly! Way to step up to the plate! So, when DeBruler is 100 percent, she's, like, 20 percent better than the best players in the country? Do I have my math right? No?

“'The way [DeBruler] leads is by example. She’s not really a good example when she sits next to us.'”

I don't know. I've seen some players who were excellent at sitting. You know, everyone has a role to play on a team. Some people actually play, some just sit. It's all about pride in doing your job well.

Let's talk about knee slides.

Look what Nellie hath wrought

New article in the Omaha World-Herald! Lauren Cook! Knee slides! Every point? Every point! Let's go to the text:
"'Sometimes I think it’s a little obnoxious,' John Cook said, chuckling."

Well at least he chuckled. 

"'But she loves it, and the team loves it. She wants to bring energy to this team, and that’s one of the ways she does it. It’s fun, and every recruit we’ve had in here said they love it when they see the energy on our team.'"

Oh... in other words, it's not going away any time soon. So what does Lauren say about the celebration?

"I’m crazy. I love being crazy, and I have so much energy."

(There's a term for that. It's called "tweaking.")

"I don’t know — I wasn’t that crazy in high school. I think it started at UCLA, and it’s just carried over."

Thanks for nothin', Nellie Spicer. 

It sounds like Lauren is fitting in nicely back home in Lincoln. Let's put Cook on the hot seat: which setter is doing better, Lauren or Sydney Anderson?

"She and Sydney statistically are almost dead even, which is great."

Yes, yes it is great. Convenient, and great. 

[wink]

College journalism: not as easy as it looks

Hey, let's poke fun -- perhaps unfairly -- at a poorly written volleyball article published in a student newspaper! Today's article appeared in the Indiana Daily Student, and is entitled, "Penn State volleyball finally defeated."

Unfortunately that may be the best sentence in the piece.

"I know this has no relation to IU athletics..."

Not a strong open.

Yes, the article is about Penn State losing to Stanford, thereby snapping the streak, blah blah blah. So I understand where the writer is coming from.

"But as some of you may know about Penn State Women's Volleyball is currently one of the most dominanat programs in any collegiate sport."

Can I get a big ol' [SIC], because that's exactly how that sentence appears in the article. "Dominanat," I can only assume, is Latin for "gooder." But hey, let's not jump to conclusions. Could've been a typo, along with a modifier that's dangling for dear life. I'm sure it gets better.

"The last three years, the Nittany Lions have won National Championships in each year."

This is true. Penn State elected to try and win just one championship each year, as opposed to going for two or three in one calendar cycle. No need to get all greedy.

"I think-- " Oh goody! Predictions! "-- they will still make it far in the NCAA tournament because they wont [sic] go down to another team thats [sic] in the top 10."

Perhaps. That's fair.

"Hopefully, this team will get the national coverage it deserves because winning 109 straight matches in unheard in todays--" (this guy really doesn't like apostrophes) "sports with all of the competition involved."

Yes. If only there were a way to check on the news to see if Penn State got any coverage; you know, like an engine of some kind that you could use to search the interwebs for specific articles...

I'm sure this in no way reflects the majority of the writer's work, etc., and shame on me for poking fun.

Words, glorious words! From people! About things!

“After the match I asked the team, ‘What are we?’ We can either be poor, average, pretty good, good or great,” new Bruin guru Mike Sealy.

"We were devastated to lose to Campbell because they are definitely not at our level." - NC State libero Kelly Wood. Big talk for a program that won 8 matches all of last year, less than half the number won by Campbell. Boy, get off to one decent start in the past decade, and it goes right to your head. 

"Also, keep in mind there is [sic] only three big colleges in Rhode Island for women's volleyball, so to beat Brown makes us feel pretty good." - Rhode Island's Kalyn Klaess on their big win over Brown. And by "big," we mean...what exactly. And aren't there only four "big" colleges in this state, period? Who do you think she's counting as the third: Bryant, or Providence?

"She's not dynamic, she's not the best athlete on our team." - Delaware head coach Bonnie Kenny, not sugar-coating her description of her senior Paige Erickson. Harsh, Bonnie. Harsh.

"...but her work ethic and her IQ and -her volleyball IQ -are pretty high. She knows the game." - Coach Kenny again. Ohhh. Guess we should have read the whole thing first. 

"It is really important how we digest (tonight's win)" - Texas A&M coach Laurie Corbelli talking about how her team will mechanically and chemically break down their win over Texas so that it can be absorbed into her team's collective blood stream... or something like that.

"We seemed to score points in weird chunks," Illinois State coach Melissa Myers. Weird chunks? Like, decimal fractions? Pi? Is Illinois State scoring in chunks of 3.14159?

Monday, and the livin' is easy.

Honestly, what? - Look, I know Hooker was an integral part of the team, but... Texas A&M? It's the Longhorns first loss to the Aggies since 2004! Remember 2004? We were still using stupid regular cellphones.

No, really, what is going on - Notre Dame loses to Delaware. Just let that roll around your noggin for a while.

Campbell derails Wolfpack - That's it, honeymoon's over. Expect NC State to lose to Elo-- what's that? Oh. Nevermind.

USD nips Gophers - Hey when did Amy DeGroot become Amy Mahinalani DeGroot? Is that a nickname? In any case, the "Mahinalani" was good for 20 kills as DeGroot & Basch combined for 40. ("DeGroot & Basch, new this fall on TBS, after "The Closer.")

Looooooooooooong Beach? - 49ers lose to school they've never heard of from state they've never visited. (Today's blatant stereotypes brought to you by Monday. Monday: a day for cutting corners.)

ASU on the move...laterally - Sun Devils show signs of life in win over UOP, but quickly squash those signs by losing to the Utes.

Who's this Neimer kid? - Whatever Cincy's Stephanie Niemer ate this weekend, it's working. 28 kills in 5-game win over Illinois, sure that's nice and all. But 32 in 3-game win over Purdue? Kerplunk!

Iowa State's got the high-waters on

"A meteorologist somewhere in Iowa owes Christy Johnson-Lynch an apology." 

That's quite the opening salvo from the NCAA's Jerry Trickie (who's gotta be a retired NASCAR driver, right?), who posted a story about Iowa State's recent weather-related trials and tribulations. 

Oh, you didn't hear about what happened? Jer, dish out some knowledge.

"Before (Iowa State) would even start preparing for the season-opening tournament, disaster struck."

Disaster? What kind of disaster? Man-made? Ecological? Lohan-esque? Please don't tell me an oil tanker ran aground in Ames, Iowa.

 "A natural disaster."

Solid dramatic qualifier. Otherwise I would have been left in the dark. 

The aforementioned disaster, "natural disaster," forced Johnson HYPHEN Lynch to become "an inventory manager, logistics general and insurance expert on the side."

I guess budget cuts have hit Iowa State harder than most. 

"She also had to help find a court, literally."

Well, it wouldn't really make sense if she had to help find a court figuratively, now would it. How would you figuratively "find a court"?

Either way, Johnson HYPHEN Lynch had to find a new place to play because the storms flooded the gym.

"By the time it stopped, Hilton was drenched."

I tell ya', Paris will look for any opportunity to show some skin, am I right? First it's sex tapes, now she's swimming in flood waters in Ames, Iow-- Oh, wait. I'm getting word that "Hilton" is the name of ISU's gym. Ah. 

So the floors were ruined, and now the team has to play their matches at a local high school (Welcome to college! Now go play at a high school.).

"That had to be an emotionally hard day for everyone associated with the program," Trickie writes, "especially the head coach. But a month removed from the floods and Johnson-Lynch sounds almost giddy at times."

That's probably because she's drunk. Nothing beats a good flood-related depression like drinking. Anyone see "The River"? Isn't that how they got through it?

"We accept it and deal," Johnson HYPHEN Lynch said. Oh, sooo, she's decided to go the mature route. Giddy with maturity. 

 The Cyclones' Big 12 home opener will be today against the Huskers. So how will match unfold, Trickie asks?

"As to how the match will unfold? Johnson-Lynch...(will) just let the fans make their own predictions before the match. That is, unless they're a meteorologist."

Hahahaha... I don't get it. 

Oh quotes. I love you most of all.

"It's like a puzzle right now. When I was young I didn't do crossword puzzles, and I didn't play computer games, so I'm not so good at trying to figure it out right now." - Russ. And exactly what computer games were those? When you were young?


"We're not about the streak, we're not about anything." - PSU's Cathy Quilico, getting all philosophical and stuff.


"They are really good with communication." - Oh, well that's NC State's Bec-- "They know how to talk to the players and help them with whatever they need help with." Gotcha. Communication, help, umm-- "They are really good at not talking down to anyone." - Well, that's awfully specific, I didn't realize we were getting that de-- "They always encourage and give really good tips. They don’t just focus on themselves; they focus on what the team is doing as a whole." - OK! We get it! NC State Becah Fogle on the new coaching staff, painting a vivid picture, in case we didn't get it with the first example, of just how much better things are this year.


"I get uneasy thinking that while I am resting somebody else could be out there working harder." - Notre Dame's Frenchy Silva, explaining why she hasn't slept through the night since 1993 when some punk at preschool beat her in a foot race for the building blocks at play time.

The Event

What is "The Event"? In this situation, it's not some annoyingly coy new TV show being overhyped by NBC but rather the end of The Streak.

Isn't is cute how Stanford was the last team to beat Penn State, and they ended the streak three years later? It's adorable. Klineman -- remember Klineman? -- brought her new and improved arm to the party and ripped off 16 kills, which probably helped a smidge.

Losing to St. Louis and Florida the previous two years? Forgotten. We're in a post-Hodge / Fawcett / Glass world, people. It's all about the Klinemans, Lichtmans, and Wopats now.

So now that it has ended, we need that one, perfect Russ Rose quote that puts it all into perspective, cuts through the layers of gunk and hoopla:
"I didn't talk about it the last two years. I don't want to talk about it now that it's done."
Mmm... like slipping into a bath with a warm cup o' hot chocolate.

Now, something really salacious, something sensationalistic from Dunning, the kind of quote we've come to expect from him:

"I think it's really exciting for my team."

Yes, excitement is exciting. He totally nailed it.

How would the rest of the sports world react? Like, say, in Hartford, CT?

"UConn's 78-Game Streak Now Nation's Longest"

Yes, UConn, because it's all about YOU.

So, hey, how about one of those AWESOME lists of things that have happened since the last time Penn State lost? You know, the kinds that puts in perspective how truly wild a streak of 109 straight wins is? Let's go. During The Streak...
1. Hawaii was screwed by the NCAA selection committee no less than three times.
2. "Gary Unmarried"'s entire life cycle ran its course on CBS.
3. Jessica Yanz enrolled and played for two other schools.
4. "Snookie" became a part of the American lexicon.
5. Indiana hired no less than 12 different assistant coaches.
6. Georgia did the same thing, but has been holding steady for the past two years!
7. Sand volleyball became an emerging NCAA sport, just in time for no one to be able to afford it.
8. Jessica Gysin, perhaps the most hobbled superstar ever, played a record-setting 22nd year of collegiate volleyball. But unlike Tomasevic, we were all OK with it, because, you know, how could more Gysin be a bad thing?

Monday's child is tired of hearing about The Streak

It's like I don't know who NC State is anymore - They're 8-1 now, and won the RTP Invitational this past weekend. Who can we count on to lose now? Northwestern?

Nope. - Northwestern's 7-1! And that includes a win over Rob Patrick's Orange Brigade. This bodes well for NW, because even if they finish last, they get in the Big Dance, right? That's the rule, right?

Speaking of last place in the Big 10... - No, we're not saying that Michigan State is going to be last again. They're 6-3 after all, but they did just lose to the Team Formerly Known as the Hurons, Eastern Michigan. Just sayin'.

Colleen who now? - With a win over Texas, it's like Aury Cruz's senior year at Florida all over again, but without Cruz. But with more Murphy. The over-under on crummy "Murphy's Law" usage in stories from this weekend is 29.

Oh, that Colleen Ward? - She had a measly 20 kills against the Huskers, but Lauren and the Cookers still won in five. Imagine a conference with Nebraska, Illinois, and Penn State in it? Wouldn't that be something.

Jekyll, meet Toledo - Beat Michigan in 5? Lose to UAB in 3! Beat Furman and Creighton? Lose to Marquette! This season is like one big episode o "Punk'd." (Do the kids still watch "Punk'd"?)

Beaver Reprieve - Oregon State avoids being put on double-secret probation by the PAC 10 with wins over Cincy and College of Charleston. And I wanted to type "Beaver Reprieve."

Something you don't see every day - I'm all for underdog wins, but... Alabama A&M sweeps W&M? What's next, UNF beating Chattanooga in 5?

UNF beats Chattanooga in 5 - You'd think since I'm writing these recaps, I would see that coming. But noooo, just walked right into it.

Now for something a little less obscure - Buffalo is 9-2, App State is 8-2, and Southern Illinois is 8-1. I said "less obscure," not "hilarious."

Mythbusters: Cheronis DID actually coach at Florida!

Today we got confirmation that he did! Nick Cheronis _was_ real! This is like getting confirmation from the CIA that the Great Pumpkin exists.
After the unceremonious end of his time in Gainesville, you may recall that we weren't sure if we had imagined the whole... 17 years of his time with the Gators or what. But the Gainesville Sun article today admitted that yes, it did happen.

"Although the Gator volleyball team isn’t your typical organization, the fingerprints of former assistant Nick Cheronis are all over the program’s 5-0 record and No. 4 national ranking."

Well, that's just poor field work by Cheronis. Everyone knows you wipe off your fingerprints before leaving the area.

"Replacing Cheronis wasn’t an easy task."

I'd imagine not. I mean, how do you replace 17 years' worth of experience and know-how?

"Chris Keen was the team’s volunteer assistant for two years..."

Right... what? They replaced Cheronis with a volunteer?

"...studying under Cheronis, and was ready for the 12-inch move to the next seat over on the bench."

While it's nice to see the Gators don't use the metric system for their promotions, I'm still trying to figure this out. I'm sure Keen does a bang-up job for the Gators, but why him?

"'One of the things that allowed me to survive and sleep at night without Nick was to have Chris, a familiar face,' Wise said."

Uh...
So, everyone's familiar with "misplaced modifiers," right? Can you spot the misplaced modifier in that quote?

Language is a funny, funny thing. 

Quotes quorum

"Mark Rosen was sporting a new look this past weekend at the Rocket Classic, and so was the Michigan volleyball team." - Michigan Daily.  New look for the Rosenator? Fauxhawk? Highlights?

"Wearing a brand new V-neck sweater instead of his usual Michigan polo, Rosen was looking to 'dress it up' a little bit this year according to Sports Information Director, Sarah VanMetre."- Whoa. Slow down, there, you crazy man, Rosen. It starts with V-necks, but those are just gateway changes to a world of penniless loafers and beltless trousers.

"I had my hands full because us freshman have to carry either the massage table (Sam), the box (me), the medicine kit (Mel), the water bottles (Rachel), or the foam rollers (Carly)." - Stanford's Lydia Bai, detailing freshman responsibilities on the road. Massage table? Foam rollers? And what is "the box"? Does Dunning have sciatica that acts up on the road? Where can I get foam rollers?

Weekend 2: Is the picture any clearer?

Week 2. Nothing too crazy, a few head-scratchers. What is going on at SLU / Utah / A&M / MTSU / Tulane? Can't be swine flu. That was last year. Bed bugs? Bed bugs are all the rage on the eastern seaboard. Poltergeists? Bad eggs? Cloverfield monsters?

The Wolfpack is 5-1. NC State... is 5-1. Last time NC State was 5-1? Anyone? 1947.

The Nittany March to 200: All those who had Seton Hall in the "First Penn State Loss" pool? You're out 5 bucks.

And, BTW, does home court mean nothing anymore? First Husker Du lost at home to FLA, now Illinois clips Texas in Texas. Does no one remember the Alamo? BTW, Michelle Bartsch had 10 kills, 0 errors, on 19 attempts. She's terrible.

Gophers beat Flyers. Flyers beat Panthers. Panthers beat Gophers. Gophers beat Rock. Rock beats Scissors, etc., etc. I think Paper is going to win their conference this year.

USC is 5-0, and Falyn the Destoyer is only hitting .295?! I was led to believe she'd be averaging 6 kills per game and hitting well north of .500. What a scam. If you listen carefully, you can hear people on VolleyTalk typing "overrated." Most of them are Hawaii fans.

Which, BTW. We get it. Kanani Danielson is the greatest player to ever walk the earth. Can we move on?

The Ohio State University loses to THE Kentucky when THE Lauren Rapp hits for THE average of .414, posting a double-double for THE second time in this, THE last Season of the Rapp.

Dear Utah, Texas A&M, Saint Louis, MTSU, and Pitt: Get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well! GET WELL, GET WELL SOON, WE WISH YOU TO GET WELL!

Drake's 8-0! Trivia: NOT home to the coffee cake. And how is their mascot _not_ the Ducks?

"I think that losing the first match of the weekend actually made us better," said Ohio coach Ryan Theis. How come when teams win all their matches on the weekend their coaches don't say, "You know, I'm glad we're 3-0 and all, but I really feel like we'd be a better team if we'd lost to Bowling Green on Friday."

Headline failure of the day

Did...did we change the scoring format again? Or is the sports editor for the JournalTimes.com just that unfamiliar with the sport?