Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Hey, what'd those people say after those matches?

"I asked if anyone wanted to be our Jupiter. I think Deja said 'Hey I got some time.'” - Russ on Deja's schedule clearing up to rock the house. I wonder how many other coaches have thought of simply asking their players if they could suddenly transform into a human wrecking ball? Russ! Always one step ahead.

"If we were on a neutral court, (we) probably could win (the Penn State match) in four." - Mick. Well, Mick, did you ever think of asking your team to play the match as if you were on a neutral court? HMM?

"I did nothing." - Oregon's Jim Moore, on what he did to turn around the match against Penn State. Then he caught a fly with chopsticks. 

"(Oregon) definitely stretched us as much as we can be comfortably stretched right now." - Top Gopher Laura Bush. So is that like a Downward Facing Dog-kind of thing, or...?

"NIU women's volleyball traveled to the cheesiest place on Earth Tuesday night." - NIU's Northstar newspaper. NIU went to the set of "Burn Notice" Tuesday night? "Facing the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay." Ohhh.

"We're disappointed but not dissatisfied." - UNC's Joe Sagula. What?


Look, we all love ducks, but... c'mon.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

First weekend! Let's make some rash judgments!

This might be the best time of the year in volleyball. This is our one chance to really go nuts and extrapolate wild, sweeping generalizations with a really poor data sample size.

Oregon is for real! least on Friday night! - We are! Penn State...? Obviously, anytime a bunch of Ducks walk into Happy Valley and win, it means the Rise of the Duck and the end of Penn State as any kind of powerhouse program, right? Well, until you get to Saturday night, when...

USC doesn't want to be #1! - USC almost ran the table on the weekend after defeating the Gopher Nation in 5, and then being up 17-11 in the 4th against PSU before the wheels fell off, and the bus went in a ditch, breaking both axles, creating an environmental biohazard. Yeah, it was that ugly. Oh, also the Gophers overcame the Ducks.

See also... "Micah Hancock: Better than sliced bread?", "Thanks a lot, Falyn", and "What does it all mean?! A Gopher Guide to Strange Days."

Texas is only great against American opponents! - Sure, beat Pepp and Ole Miss, but not so fortunate against Israel, were ya'? That could prove meaningful exactly never.

Kentucky can't ever beat Florida State! - Or maybe just Seminole teams loaded with foreigners. Something like that.

Assistants are more important than anyone thought! - Sure, you need someone to chart your passing for you and to look good in a polo shirt. But, Whitis leaves TN. TN needs five games to beat Ohio and Maryland. Sullivan and Stemke leave Lincoln. Huskers need five to beat the Aggies. See? That's incontrovertible evidence that assistants mean more!

Benson-less Indiana is doomed! - Either that or CSU and Va Tech are just, you know, better than Indiana on these two nights in August. Where have you gone, Robert Guillaume?

Kent Miller's is powerless against Chippewas! - In his return to head coaching, Miller's Billikens beat Marquette, beat Iowa, and then lost to Central Michigan? Who of course lost to Iowa and Marquette?

The glory days are back for the Wramblin' Wreck! - Three wins including an upset of Louisville! Happy days are here again! The skies above are clear again! Now we'll get to the Elite 8 and lose to Hawaii!

Washington hates prairies! - 5. 7. 9. Is it Michael Landon? A personal vendetta against Melissa Gilbert? A distaste for half pints?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Ya' don't say...

The only question here is, which came first? Did Love lose in the opening round so that he could talk about the lockout? Or did he talk about the lockout because he lost in the opening round?

I have my 10,000 hours in -- we're using a little Malcolm Gladwell here -- I have my 10,000 hours in basketball and they have their 10,000 hours in volleyball, so I need to even it up and it's going to take time.
Yeah, that's true. Like 9,999.5 more hours. But, hey, whatever fake reasons to get more people watching volleyball, the better.

Labels: , ,

Let's promote stuff down on the bayou

'Twas with baited breath that we clicked on the link to find out the latest in volleyball promotions for LSU.

If you'll recall, last year Fran Flory vowed to stay in a mobile home outside the gym until like 12 people signed up to follow the LSU volleyball twitter account or something. The epic promotion lasted about 26 hours.

So how do they top that this year? Let's take a look.

"Ace T-shirt Toss" - Good, start with the basics, build a foundation.

"Autographs" - Again, good stuff, you always play the greatest hits.

"Geaux Books!" - Oh I like it. A little Ca-jawn twist, cher.

"First 500 fans will receive an LSU Volleyball static cling!" - This is where the first 500 fans get a shirt that's fresh out of the dryer. Oh, wait, no it's some sticker-thing you put on your window, like a fathead or whatever.

"Girl Scouts Day - First 500 fans will receive an LSU Volleyball koozie!" - Are the girl scouts in the Big Easy in dire need of something to keep their juice boxes cold?

As you can see, lots of great stuff, but I don't see anything involving Winnebagos, hunger strikes, our living with tigers. Boo.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Been off the grid?

Quick refresher in case you've been out of the loop:

Falyn has left Troy. Based on speculation, the anniversary of her departure will soon become a paid day off in Hawaii. 

The new Penn State - Nebraska rivalry has already reached DEFCON 3 on the Uncomfortably Awkward Meter.

Mike Sealy is rockin' Ryan Mennealy's haircut circa 1991.

Jen Bonilla became Jen Beltran, triggering a violent reaction from...people on volleytalk who aren't related to Jen or her family in any way. 

The Russian occupation of Louisville is over, enabling Ann Kordes to complete Phase 2 of the Kordes Coup. But in the least shocking move since the Wonder Woman pilot was not picked up (I mean, right?), Yelin will now be yodelin' in Youlder, Yolorado.

Hugh became Head Gopher, but not yet, though sometime soon, but for now it's The Laura Bush Show, and there are other assistants, but not all of 'em are staying, blah blah blah.

Speaking of Gophers, Tabi Love upgraded in the animal world by becoming a Bruin. (Bear beats gopher, doesn't it? Bear beats gopher, which beats squid, which beats bear, I believe.)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Like a man crawling through the desert dying of thirst...

...we've finally reached the oasis that is the 2011 season.

Seriously, we've got to find something to do in the off season besides running every topic on volleytalk into the ground, backing up the car, and running it over again, and again...

So, let's go people! Let's make fun of stuff! You know, stuff!