Post-Walking Dead Premier Recap

"Wait, so that's a high-five? That's it?"

Gauchos gain victory in South Pacific! - Wow, a win at Hawaii and it's like 1990-something all over again. Keep your eyes peeled for Chrissie Boehle references. Like that one. 

Sparty keeps rollin' - Huskers and Hawkeyes are not enough for SPARTA! (I don't know enough lines from "300," clearly. There's gotta be something else useful there.)

Alabama claims victory over Arkansas - This sounds like the makings of a Lynyrd Skynyrd song.

The dream is over - Duke sweeps the Tar Heels IN Tar Heel Arena or whatever, and the undefeated season is kaput. Think Nagel's Ne'erdowells relished this win a little bit? 

A 1-day relish, apparently - Yes, the relish was gone on Sunday, replaced with the bitter taste of NC State-style hot mustard. And a 3-1 loss. [HOT DOG METAPHORS]

Army sweeps Navy - I don't know if the government shutdown affected this match or not, but I bet a far-left or right person could tell you how and why it's the other side's fault. Sounds like a case for...The McLaughlin Group!

20-year drought ends for SIU - 1993 is the last time the Salukis beat Northern Iowa. 1993. Simpler times. All we worried about was when the new Color Me Badd album was coming out, so we could avoid listening to the radio for the next few months. 

Any news from Cincy? - No...so close in 18-16 5th game loss to South Florida. SO CLOSE.

Yay Bruins! - A win in the Pac 12 puts them on the path to something. 

Davis beat Irvine! - In the battle of UCs!

Diego beat Francisco! - In the battle of Sans!

Notre Dame? Votre Dame. - Clemson doesn't care whose Dame it is, only that they notched a win over them.