Iowa State's got the high-waters on

"A meteorologist somewhere in Iowa owes Christy Johnson-Lynch an apology." 

That's quite the opening salvo from the NCAA's Jerry Trickie (who's gotta be a retired NASCAR driver, right?), who posted a story about Iowa State's recent weather-related trials and tribulations. 

Oh, you didn't hear about what happened? Jer, dish out some knowledge.

"Before (Iowa State) would even start preparing for the season-opening tournament, disaster struck."

Disaster? What kind of disaster? Man-made? Ecological? Lohan-esque? Please don't tell me an oil tanker ran aground in Ames, Iowa.

 "A natural disaster."

Solid dramatic qualifier. Otherwise I would have been left in the dark. 

The aforementioned disaster, "natural disaster," forced Johnson HYPHEN Lynch to become "an inventory manager, logistics general and insurance expert on the side."

I guess budget cuts have hit Iowa State harder than most. 

"She also had to help find a court, literally."

Well, it wouldn't really make sense if she had to help find a court figuratively, now would it. How would you figuratively "find a court"?

Either way, Johnson HYPHEN Lynch had to find a new place to play because the storms flooded the gym.

"By the time it stopped, Hilton was drenched."

I tell ya', Paris will look for any opportunity to show some skin, am I right? First it's sex tapes, now she's swimming in flood waters in Ames, Iow-- Oh, wait. I'm getting word that "Hilton" is the name of ISU's gym. Ah. 

So the floors were ruined, and now the team has to play their matches at a local high school (Welcome to college! Now go play at a high school.).

"That had to be an emotionally hard day for everyone associated with the program," Trickie writes, "especially the head coach. But a month removed from the floods and Johnson-Lynch sounds almost giddy at times."

That's probably because she's drunk. Nothing beats a good flood-related depression like drinking. Anyone see "The River"? Isn't that how they got through it?

"We accept it and deal," Johnson HYPHEN Lynch said. Oh, sooo, she's decided to go the mature route. Giddy with maturity. 

 The Cyclones' Big 12 home opener will be today against the Huskers. So how will match unfold, Trickie asks?

"As to how the match will unfold? Johnson-Lynch...(will) just let the fans make their own predictions before the match. That is, unless they're a meteorologist."

Hahahaha... I don't get it.