Monday, October 28, 2013

So, hey, anything weird going on anywhere?



Sunday, October 27, 2013

You know, no one wants to dominate anymore...

"C'mon, guys, quit fooling around. No one's got my keys?"

Remember the good ol' days when a team would tear off a billion conference wins in a row? Remember? Well, no one wants to do it anymore. This is the New Volleyball, which is a lot like the Old Volleyball, but with a more Thunderdome-type unpredictability.

Sunday was the day that tomorrow is another day was talking about! - That's a very confusing way to announce that...CINCINNATI HAS WON! The streak is over after a 5-game win over future Big Ten member Rutgers. 

Something's amiss in paradise - School has been canceled this week and all government buildings closed (theoretically) until someone figures out why the Wahine have lost 3 of their last 4 to UCSB, Northridge, and UC Davis.

Illinois continues to play with fire - They were pushing their luck already with that bananas pre-conference schedule, but then the Illini go and lose a practically must-win match against Northwestern, only to turn around and beat Wisconsin. Pick a side, Illinois!

The Utes? Or the two youths? - Oh My Cousin Vinnie. Still relevant. Anyway, hats off to Beth Launiere and Utah for winning everything from A to Z in AZ. 

UGA gets landmark win over UK - Stemke turning things around, etc., the beginning of a new era, blah blah blah, then lose to Alabama and almost to Mississippi State, yadda yadda yadda...

Is beating Nebraska a _bad_ thing? - That's what Cathy George's gotta be asking herself. Sparty has lost 4 in a row (Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Indiana) since beating the Huskers. Is beating Nebraska like watching that videotape from The Ring?

Hurricanes foiled by Wake - That's four in a row for UM. Time for a GM2 adjustment? Is there a Gold Medal Cubed?

States beating states - Indiana State beats Illinois State, North Dakota State beats South Dakota State. In accordance with federal law, the losing team must work the winning team's state fair selling elephant ears for charity.  

Penn State lowers the boom - 9, 11, 16 against Ohio State. 8, 8, 11 against Iowa. Da-yum, son.

Incarnate Word? Word. - 25-3 in game 2 over New Orleans. Talk about the spirit of the Lord moving you.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Who has two thumbs and has run out of ways to say this season is crazy? This guy.

"Hey, look! She's got cookies!"

Release the Kreklow! - With a 4-game win over the Gators, Missouri is still undefeated.

In other undefeated news - Hilbert's Hoagies ALMOST dropped one to UNLV, but survived the weekend unscathed.

Purdue re: Devaney, "Meh." - The Boilers looked 8,000 red-blooded red-wearing Husker fans in the eye and walked out with a 4-game win. That's like stealing the Mona Lisa in front of 8,000 cops.

Your weekly "Surely they've won one by now" update on Cincinnati - Nope. Not yet.

But Mississippi State won two in a row! - With two sweeps, MSU won their first 6 games of the SEC season, along with their first two SEC matches. Tell that to your stupid hot seat thread, VolleyTalk!

Badgers don't care for Wolverines, thrive against Spartans - Well that was weird. BTW, "cheers to the Big Ten Network for mic'ing Coach Sheffield during the match. "Jeers" for giving viewers the most innocuous, uninteresting soundbites possible.

The 2013 Bruins: Unpredictable, right? - Can anyone explain anything UCLA has done? Beating Arizona State in three straight in Tempe seems to go along with everything else, in that it doesn't go with anything else.

Mick sees your win at ASU, raises you a loss at Tucson. - That Rubio. What a ham.

Cathy George hates this past weekend - Things were going swimmingly for MSU until they faced a couple of rodents, Badgers and Gophers, and then it all went to hell.

The Valley is so, like, over - OK, not "over," but CSUN finally lost a conference game, to the Gauchos a la Lantagne.

Penn State escapes with a record for Russ - There's probably no such thing as the luck of the Nittany, but holy moly did PSU dodge a bullet at Huff Hall, winning 15-12 in the fifth to get Russell to 2nd on the all-time wins list, behind only Mollie Kavanagh. Wait, that can't be right...

Irish love / hate state of Florida - Huge win over Miami is unceremoniously followed by a 8, 23, and 13 loss to the Seminoles. Haha, that's so Florida, right? Always beating and losing to Notre Dame and stuff.

Lehigh victorious in the battle of Lafayette - I just like the sound of it, like it's a subhead in a book about the American Revolution. "Under the direction of General Bertucci, the troops of Lehigh outflanked Lafayette to secure the 5-game siege."

Today's Terrible Joke - TEN aces for the Huskies in 5-game win has Stanford playing like an old Zenith: bad reception. #applianceburn

Hey, anything new with Texas? - Not much. Still winning. Pretty standard stuff, really.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Post-Walking Dead Premier Recap

"Wait, so that's a high-five? That's it?"

Gauchos gain victory in South Pacific!
- Wow, a win at Hawaii and it's like 1990-something all over again. Keep your eyes peeled for Chrissie Boehle references. Like that one. 

Sparty keeps rollin' - Huskers and Hawkeyes are not enough for SPARTA! (I don't know enough lines from "300," clearly. There's gotta be something else useful there.)

Alabama claims victory over Arkansas - This sounds like the makings of a Lynyrd Skynyrd song.

The dream is over - Duke sweeps the Tar Heels IN Tar Heel Arena or whatever, and the undefeated season is kaput. Think Nagel's Ne'erdowells relished this win a little bit? 

A 1-day relish, apparently - Yes, the relish was gone on Sunday, replaced with the bitter taste of NC State-style hot mustard. And a 3-1 loss. [HOT DOG METAPHORS]

Army sweeps Navy - I don't know if the government shutdown affected this match or not, but I bet a far-left or right person could tell you how and why it's the other side's fault. Sounds like a case for...The McLaughlin Group!

20-year drought ends for SIU - 1993 is the last time the Salukis beat Northern Iowa. 1993. Simpler times. All we worried about was when the new Color Me Badd album was coming out, so we could avoid listening to the radio for the next few months. 

Any news from Cincy? - close in 18-16 5th game loss to South Florida. SO CLOSE.

Yay Bruins! - A win in the Pac 12 puts them on the path to something. 

Davis beat Irvine! - In the battle of UCs!

Diego beat Francisco! - In the battle of Sans!

Notre Dame? Votre Dame. - Clemson doesn't care whose Dame it is, only that they notched a win over them. 

Monday, October 7, 2013

Hey! I found some quotes!

"I thought Minnesota's two seniors played like two seniors who play for a top-ranked team that's down 2-0 should play." - Sharon Dingman just telling it like it is, I think.

"I'd rather wrestle a bear than Deme Morales." - Kelly Sheffield displaying the kind of enthusiasm Jackie Moon could've used.

"Adrienne was the one standing on the other side of the field staring at the flowers while everybody else was playing soccer." - Caroline Gehan, Adrienne's mom. Thanks, Mom!

"And then she started growing." - Caroline Gehan, describing the moment when everything changed.

"If you could have a sandwich named after you, what might you call it and what would be on the sandwich? Probably ham, turkey, basic things. Honey mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, American cheese, and it would probably be a toasted sandwich and be warm. I would probably call it the Skywalker." - FSU's Hailey Luke describing a very average sandwich with an above average name.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Monday Morning Mood Elevator

"What do you mean my beard doesn't look real?"

USCee Ya, Stanford - Just didn't see that coming. Not the win, but the sweep. I had no idea Mick was so proficient with the Swiffer.

Holy Incongruousness!  - How do you beat someone 25-9 and lose the match? Ask UW-Green Bay, as they took game one 25-9, then lost in 5, 18-16.

Holy Huff Hall! - Already mathematically eliminated from the NCAA Tournament (source: VolleyTalk), Illini didn't care and walked into the Wolverines' Den for a win.

Holy Buffs Ball! - Really? Really. Colorado beats Washington. Next thing you know Romo's gonna throw for over 500 yards and lose. What's that? He did? Well there you go.

Pitt as a Metaphor for Life - Some days you conquer Hokies, some days you get beat by Wahoos.

Hey There, Young Feller!  - Cal got their first-ever sweep at UCLA this weekend, and almost beat USC in 5! Everybody head to SliderBar! Wooo!

U-N-C-efeated! - I'm not proud of that. But, North Carolina is still undefeated.

(Psst...Missouri is too, past it on) - In comic books, "kreklow" is the sound thunder makes during a storm.

Boiler Box Is a Pressure Cooker of Mixed Results! - Sweep of Buckeyes and a near 5-game miss against the Russ Rose Department of Analytical Dynamics, that's a weekend.

Ducks Don't Do Deserts - That's what I glean from a 4-game loss to Arizona, I suppose. I don't know. I don't really understand the Pac 12 or Big Ten anymore. Plus, Oregon then beat ASU, so...

Talk about an Irish Wake [you're welcome] - Too late to get back in the Big East? No? Not possible? Too early for flapjacks?

Ramblin' Wreck FTW - Gotta keep it current for those college kids and their special lingo. It's all about demographics these days. Oh and great win for YJs.

Butler Shows Blue Jays the Door - Four-game win over Creighton? "Right this way, madames et monsieurs."

Nebraska Defeats Various Rodents - As in Gophers 3-0 and Badgers in 5 to move to 4-0 in the Big Ten. But, go ahead, Internet, tell us everything John Cook did wrong. You know you wanna.

Directional Battle - Western Michigan beats Eastern Michigan while Central Michigan is all, "This is between y'all. WORLD STAR!"

St. Francis defeats St. Francis - Just as was foretold in the "The Multiverse Bible".

Tuesday, October 1, 2013


Well of course Colorado lost to Wyoming. Because Wyoming is obviously empirically better than UCLA, right? I mean...right?