Let me see if I've got this right...

(I'm sorry, but some stories you just. can't. ignore.)

Deitre Collins is leaving her job as an assistant to Joel McCartney at Georgia to go back to Cornell and reclaim her position as head coach, a job she left approximately 5 months ago.

What?

How'd that happen? Did Deitre ever really leave Cornell? Did she have to reapply for the Cornell job? And if so, did she list Joel as a reference?

"And, your last job was...?"

"Georgia."

"And before that?"

"Here."

"Oh that's right. How...silly of me."

So in about five months, Joel has lost both his assistants and his director of volleyball operations. Yikes.

Not that something nefarious is going on, as Kevin was going to leave if the right head coaching job opened up, and the DOO got married, which changes everything.

But...this is like the Wright Brothers showing up at Kitty Hawk, getting ready to test their plane, and then having two wings and a propeller fall off, like Columbus sailing for the New World, and then the Nina rams the Pinta which sinks the Santa Maria.

Joel McCartney's svenjolly-like influence must be stopped

That Joel McCartney, he's got more surprises up his sleeves than an episode of LOST crossed with X-Files meets Twin Peaks...on acid.

First, he lures Deitre Collins from her cushy Ivy League head coaching job where she only won three conference titles in a row. Now he abducts Kevin Campbell from eventual national champion Penn State (surely, right?) to be an assistant at Georgia. The focused coaching power now assembled in Athens could jumpstart the Hubble telescope.

Campbell--very nice person--is one of the more vexing personalities in volleyball because you always have to qualify her name:

"Who's the other assistant at Penn State?"

"Kevin?"

"No, the woman."

"What?"

"What is on second base."

"I don't know."

"He's playing third."

(golf clap, polite laughter)

McCartney also hired former Winthrop player Mary Hock to be Georgia's Program Specialist.

Wait, what? What in the world is a "program specialist"? Is she in charge of the media guide? Some kind of graphic design / layout ninja? Or is this a computer-based specialty? Is the entire Bulldog program moving to Linux Red Hat or something? I'm so confused...