Spring matches: Why?

"I am looking forward to getting out and competing in some matches," head coach Jeff Nelson said. "This tournament has a very strong field and is a great way for us to kick off spring competition."

"We can't wait to go to Middle Tennessee this weekend and compete against some other teams," Messersmith said.

"It's great to be able to play these games," said Arkansas head coach Chris Poole. "We practice with individuals in the spring and this is a chance to bring everyone together and see how we're coming along."

What do all these quotes have in coming? Besides being terrifically dull? They're all about spring schedules, the college volleyball equivalent of preseason football.

Spring competitions are lame. The matches don't mean anything, which doesn't stop some messageboard cowboys from dissecting every contact (lookin' at you, Wahine fans). There are people missing, hurt, some schools don't even have enough players so they have to force seniors back into action. OR a school will sucker some poor sap into leaving high school early and enrolling in college in the spring (Because, honestly, the 12 weeks of preseason practice is just not enough for these poor schools).

And once again I find myself wishing that one of these coaches would say what's really on their minds.

"Look, I'm just trying to get an idea of what these yahoos can do," New Mexico coach Jeff Nelson said. "This is like an experiment. I'm Dr. Frankenstein, and I'm trying to see if I've just spent a whole spring creating a monster or not."

"I hate these competitions," Arkansas coach Chris Poole explained. "It's just one big ankle injury waiting to happen. All I want is to play these stupid matches without anyone getting hurt, and get the heck out of here."

"Why are we here?" Stanford coach John Dunning continued, "Honestly I'd rather be trying to get up and down out of a sand trap with a ball stuck in a 6-inch divot."

Nelson's New Mexico reconstruction dangerously unsound

So, it's clear that Jeff Nelson, new head coach for the Lobos, has his work cut out for him. But we're concerned that in his haste to rebuild, Nelson is taking shortcuts that will ultimately doom the program to collapse in on itself. Take this quote:

"Building a program is the foundation on what we are going to do here at UNM."

Now, we're more than happy to assume that there's a typo in that sentence, and "on" is meant to be "of." But that doesn't help much. Follow along: If you're building a program, you need a foundation first. So we have one foundation, of the program, that Nelson also wants to have serve as "the foundation on (of) what we are going to do here at UNM."

That's one foundation supporting two different purposes! And as any structural engineer--or rudimentary grammarian--worth their salt will tell you, that's asking for trouble. Next thing you know, Nelson's going to endanger the lives of modifiers by dangling them in front of participial phrases, or engage in logical fallacies that make apophasis look like paralipsis.

Stupid messageboard grapevine...

Jeff Nelson is a proven coach and all-around good guy. I don't think anyone questions his abilities to take New Mexico to a state of, well, something other than what they have been (Nelson was named new skipper for the Lobos).

No, my only complaint is that the grapevine was completely bereft of any mention of Nelson during the messageboard dissection of the job opening. All we got was Matt McShane this, Matt McShane that, something vague about a MAC coach turning the job down. I mean, if we can't count on simplycurious or InTheKnow or phaedrus to keep us up to speed on the latest goings on, all is lost. I don't ask much of my messageboard gossip.