The Utes come home; All is well

So perhaps we were a little hasty in deeming the Utah Utes' trip to Europe as a disaster waiting to happen. And, yes, we might have erred a smidge when we claimed the Utes had been kidnapped by a nefarious Italian cocaine syndicate.

We say all this because journal entry #7 by Hilary Taylor and Lori Baird finds the volleyball team alive, not incarcerated, and hanging out at the Roman Coliseum. The team reveled in the historical ruins: "Many of us wished we could go back in time to see how all of the events really took place."

Well, you would wish that, until you saw what passed for dentistry during ancient Roman times.

The team also fell for the oldest grift in the books, the ol' "Make a Bracelet / Gimme a Kiss" scam. Apparently, young Italian men make a bracelet for you, asking only a kiss on the cheek in exchange.

Does that actually work? Apparently so, because the Utes were besieged with the young herpes enablers, and their favorite target was Stephanie Hodgman "because after she gave one Italian boy a kiss on the cheek, so many guys were chasing her to get the same."

Well, duh.

Report #8 detailed a trip to the Vatican City, where many of the players on the team got a chance to see the actual pope, Pope Benedict XVI. Which made me wonder: How many of the Utes are Mormons? And how do they feel about the pope as a Mormon? Does he hold any significance to them at all? Where does the pope fit in with the Mormon movement?

Oh yeah: the trip was a success, everyone loved it, life goes on.

Utah Utes: Report #5 is the harbinger of doom

A desperate cry for help.

Report #5 for the Utes' trip to Italy and Croatia and...it's not looking good. Dark clouds are gathering. Some of the girls rode bikes to a nearby beach where there was "some mysterious guy in a mitsibishi [sic] that was following them around.....so Connie says?" That can't be good. Guys in Mitsubishi's are shifty.


Although the author of today's journal, Kate Robison, doesn't seem to have much respect for teammate Connie Dangerfield's account of the incident. But when your last name is Dangerfield, that's what happens: no respect (ba-dum bum, 2, 3, 4...).

Things didn't get any better when Whitney Webb--fresh from splitting her melon--warned Hilary Taylor that an obviously man-eating spider was descending upon her, whereupon Taylor immediately whipped out a knife and somehow knocked Airial Salvo out of her chair.

I think I'm going to need a diagram to completely understand that chain of events. Spider (A) descends on Taylor (B), who brandishes a knife she apparently always carries for just such an occasion(C), knocking Salvo out of a chair (D).

Rube Goldberg would be soooo proud.

The rest of the report involves getting locked out of rooms, actual volleyball competition and practicing, along with some English as a second language instruction. But I'm telling you, the signs are undeniable: stalkers, knives, and mysterious "locking doors" preceded by head-splitting...GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN, BETH! RUNNNN!