Mitten State controversy just won't quit

Remember that whole ruckus over getting the Michigan girls' high school volleyball season switched from winter to fall? In addition to switching girls volleyball and basketball, the MHSAA also decided to switch girls and boys tennis from fall and spring, respectively, to spring and fall. And no one is happy.

Accoring to an article in The Ile Camera newspaper, opponents to the switch argue "that girls would be more adversely affected by the colder, windy climate of spring than boys."

WOW. W-O-W. Did I really just read that and then cut-and-paste it into this post? Is it the 1950s? Do they also want to make June Cleaver 101 a requirement for these frail girls, too?

"Girls are more vulnerable to the weather, with fall being more attractive."

Yes, plus the damp spring weather does horrible things to a young woman's hair. Isn't there a perfectly good knitting club they could join? Instead of all that inappropriate sweating?

I imagine Billie Jean King is rolling over in her...well, her bed, wherever she lives. She must swell with pride knowing that people in Michigan are against girls tennis in the spring because the girls are too dainty.

You see where this is going, don't you? Tons and tons of individual lawsuits fighting the moving of specific sports.

So what was all this about then?

In case you thought that the drama was over in Michigan high school sports when the Supreme Court decided not to do whatever it was supposed to do, think again.

People aren't happy, and newspapers are running articles. Apparently no one other than volleyball cared if the season was switched with girls' basketball.

So now here come the awkward, forced analogies:

"High school volleyball teams in Michigan next fall are going to be like the younger sister when big sister moves away from home. They're going to have their own room. In this case, their own gymnasium."

Well crafted. Or how about his from the Detroit Free Press:

"Come next fall, I'll have nine kids playing in college," Grenier said. "You tell me if my kids are missing out on opportunities."
That is best left for Galles and CFE officials to answer. But I think they are too busy giving hair advice to Sanjaya to keep him on "American Idol."

The Sanjaya reference! What kind of lame writer would resort to that worn, out, um...bit? Oh. We would.

There are even dips into the sublime:

Remember, this is a legal system that lets O.J. Simpson spend his days golfing.

Yes! There it is! One of the many signs that a discussion has hit rock bottom is when the central issue or figure is compared to a) Hitler and the Nazis, b) the OJ Simpson ruling, or c) the acid-washed jeans fad. Congratulations to Hugh Bernreuter of The Saginaw News!

Finally! Resolution to Michigan sports, um, resolution

According to headline in the Manchester Enterprise, it looks like we're on the verge of FINALLY getting some closure on the whole Michigan high school sports calendar issue, you know, the reason why volleyball is a winter sport there?

This thing has been dragging on, and on, and on for years. Every time you thought it was going to be resolved, someone would file a new lawsuit. So finally, according to the headline, here comes closure! Let's dive into the article:

"The fate of the state high school sports seasons lawsuit" -- Here we go! This is it! -- "might be decided next week."

Oh fer cryin' out loud.

"The U.S. Supreme Court's nine justices are scheduled to discuss the Michigan High School Athletic Association's appeal of a 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruling at their weekly conference on March 30."

OK, that sounds promising.

"There is a possibility that the case won't be discussed that day. If not, it will be bumped to the next Friday's conference, a court clerk said."

...aaaand we're back to an endless loop of bureaucracy. But it doesn't end there. If the U.S. Supreme Court doesn't choose to hear the case, then the volleyball season changes, and it's all over.

HOWEVER, the article goes on to say, if the high school sports lawsuit is one of the approximately 100 cases the U.S. Supreme Court chooses to hear from a cluster of over 8,000, then the season doesn't change, and the Supreme Court hears the case in their next session, which doesn't start until October and...

You know what? I've lost interest. We shouldn't have to hear anymore about this case until there's ACTUAL resolution. Fair thee well, Mitten State.