I'm not gonna lie to you: This is a little odd

That's Karch at 18-years-old on the left. Are you freaked out? I'm a little freaked out.

U.S. Open: Now with more sand

So you know the U.S. Open volleyball tournament? That annual multi-day excuse to get your buddies together and drink? (OK, there's some volleyball, too.) Well, the USAV is taking that concept and moving it to the beach.

That's right! There's a new tournament in town: the US Open of Beach Volleyball! Sponsored by...Corona Extra! (Didn't see that coming, did you.) Divisions will be open for men, women, and co-ed two-person, four-person and six-person teams. There will also be "master's" divisions for men and women 37 and older and 45 and older...because they don't want to restrict the heatstroke to just the young.

As we mentioned, Corona Extra is a big sponsor for this new beach extravaganza. Timm Amundson, vice president of marketing at Crown Imports states that "The unique lifestyle of beach volleyball lines up perfectly with the brand image of Corona Extra." Yes the propensity for drinking at beach tournaments and the durability of a volleyball player's liver does line up perfectly with Crown Imports' desire to sell beer. It's allll coming together for Timm.

Turns out that this tournament has long been a dream for Karch, who is going to be heavily involved in the new venture. "For years I have wanted to establish an event that would bring serious beach volleyball players together in Southern California, the birthplace of the sport."

Yes, because there aren't any there currently. You can walk for miles and miles along the beaches of SoCal and not come across a group of serious beach volleyball players.

I'm surprised no one's thought of this before. Maybe we should establish some kind of tour or something. You know, play at various cities across the U.S., 16--no 17--no 18--cities! And we'll charge admission! (Well maybe, in some cities we'll charge, or on certain days--we'll work out the details later.) Get Geeter to announce! And we can have stands! And music! And contests! And we'll get it on NBC and have Chris Marlowe do the broadcast!!!

...nah. It'll never work.

But this new Karch idea, this is just the kind of thing that Huntington Beach needs to raise its annual number of severe dehydration victims to a respectable level.

The main problem I see--and seriously, there aren't many. This could be like the Manhattan Beach 6-Man. But with volleyball--is that the tournament is going to be September 21-23. Doesn't that limit your potential pool of players? Summer vacation is over for the majority of people out there, the women's college season is in high gear.

The End is Nigh: Karch taking his pink hat and going home

The best volleyball player ever is retiring (And don't give me that nonsense about Jason Stimpfig).

Karch Kiraly, at 46, is finally hanging it up after this beach season. You know what we appreciate about Karch? The way he makes us feel like we're complete and utter slackers compared to what he does on a daily basis (Not all of us, McPeak, Youngs, etc. Not you guys. You're freaks, too).

The man is FORTY-SIX and still competing on the AVP, and still competitive. He won a beach tournament two years ago. That's just sick.

I remember a story from a couple of years ago where some bigshot from BYU had just graduated and tried to do Karch's workout with him. The BYU guy had to quit after like 5 minutes. That's not unbeatable service, is it?

Karch is like that old Army commercial; he gets more done before 8 a.m. than most of us accomplish, well, probably all week.

UCLA's Rofer not content with being Scates' valet

UCLA men's assistant coach Brian Rofer has penned a children's book titled "I Know the Monster Is Real."

Because that's what all children want to find out, that the horrific monsters their fertile imaginations believe are lurking under their beds or in their closets actually exist.

This marks the first time that a UCLA volleyball alum has successfully published a children's book. Previous failed attempts include Sinjin Smith's "K is for King of the Beach, not Karch," Ricci Luyties' "Madeline in Hattiesburg," Mike Sealy's "Green Eggs and Ham (Is Totally Bogus for Your Chi)," Jeff Nygaard's "Freckle Juice," Erik Sullivan's "Why I Hate Ramon Hernandez," and Al Scates' "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish BLUE CURTAIN" and "Asbjorn Volstad Hears a Who."