If Sheffield builds it, something something something

So...they announced the regionals for next year, and among the BIG WINNERS is Dayton. To cover -- no, commemorate -- the occasion, the Dayton Daily News spoke with the First Flyer, Kelly Sheffield:

University of Dayton volleyball coach Kelly Sheffield had one of the nation’s top senior prospects on campus this week and took her to UD Arena to help her grasp one of his visions for the program.

"Help her grasp one of his visions"? How complicated are these visions?

“I drew the picture and said...

Ah, so it's one of these deals:

...and said, ‘How would you like to play in front of 13,000 home fans for the opportunity to go to the Final Four? How many times have you had a ball in your hands and laid in bed and thought about it? Well, your dreams can come true,’ ” he said.

And then James Earl Jones said something about easing his pain, there was an argument about whether or not Shoeless Joe Jackson ever played volleyball...the whole thing kinda disintegrated after that.

Kelly Sheffield wants Shoeless Joe Jackson to come back and play ball again. Problem is, if the arena does sell out, Sheffield will probably wander onto the court and yell at the fans, "This is my corn. You people are guests in my corn."

This is NOT the new UOP head coach

Thanks to fantastic miscommunication, the Interwebs held their breath for a few brief moments when it was thought that Weber State's Al Givens, he of the shiny jacket, was going to be the next Top Tiger in Stockton.

THIS is the new UOP head coach:

I dunno...I kinda liked the jacket.

I know who UCLA's new coach will be!

In a dotyoureye exclusive, we are happy to break the news of who will take over the reins at UCLA. He's a veteran, he's quick on his feet, he's in town:

Just sayin'...

That looks like a pretty happy kid.

2010 just gets worse and worse in Westwood

A giant of the game, the ONLY women's head coach ever at UCLA, has retired. Stunning, but just the latest in a series of nutty events in Westwood. There are a few coaches you can refer to by one name. Russ, Chuck, Al, Mick, Brian, Dunning, Cook, Terry, Marv, Dave...and Andy.

Let's put his career into perspective. When Andy was hired:
- Cartoons were two-dimensional and drawn by actual people.
- People smoked cigarettes in places other than huddled groups outside office buildings.
- Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison were still mostly sober.
- The Kansas City Chiefs were still considered a professional football team.
- It took a computer as large as a room to produce the same memory capabilities as your iPod nano.

But now comes the interesting part: The Great UCLA Coach Bonanza. Who wants it? Who can afford it? Can UCLA afford them? How far into the valley do you have to live to work there? Stay tuned, true believers!

Anatomy of a Hot Story: UCLA edition

Let's say you've seen the headlines on Volleytalk and other various websites about Lauren Cook and Amanda Gil transferring, but couldn't be bothered to wade through the 30+ pages of posts to find out what's going on because, let's face it, you've got stuff to do. dotyoureye now presents, for your reading pleasure, a brief synopsis of UCLA / Gil / Cook-gate:

Cook's transferring!
Gil's transferring!
Is this real?
Is this true?
Why?
The horror! Oh the humanity!
It's because of academics!
It's because of boyfriends!
Who? What?
UCLA doesn't have a School of Wedding Planning!
Transfers: ARGH.
Gil's going to Hawaii!
Gil hates Hawaii!
Cook hates UCLA!
Cook said she loves UCLA!
She started classes at UCLA!
She offered to stay through the spring!
Cindy Luis said it's official!
Scholarship? Free tuition?
Has anyone checked with Broekhuis and Kelsay?
Morning practice totally BLOWS.
Gil and Cook aren't that good anyway!
Gil and Cook are totes awesome!
Hey anyone remember Glyn Milburn?
$187 per semester?
OMG! Christy Johnson's taking over at Nebraska!

Welcome to 2010: UCLA over it already.

Lauren Cook is going back home to Nebraska? OK, did not see that coming. I feel the same way I did when I found out Bruce Willis was dead at the end of that movie.

Combine that with the RUMOR that Amanda Gil is gone, as well as Nucci, and it's pretty slim pickin's in Westwood. Andy Banachowski has not addressed the media, but the UCLA sports info department released this artist's rendering of the coach upon hearing the news:

Probably the most affected by the transfer -- but least discussed -- is poor Taylor Cook, Lauren's younger brother, who was just getting used to having the run of the house without his big sister, and now... back to the drawing board.