Dear NCAA: Are you freakin' kidding me?

As generally happens every year, there has been an uproar over the selection process for this year's NCAA tournament. So in an attempt to provide some transparency, the NCAA decided to provide a helpful Q&A to address some of the general public's more pressing questions regarding this year's "decisions."

Sounds like a great idea, right? Put out some solid P.R. to generate good will amongst the volleyball faithful, right?

Well, you'd be wrong.

In what can only be described as the greatest example of of direct answer-dodging since whatever U.S. Senate hearing occurred last week, writer Jerry Trickie sat down with committee chairperson Terry Gawlik to present... this.

Question #1:
Please tell me how the Pac-10 only had six teams selected and the Big Ten had eight? Do they really think that Northwestern and Indiana are better than Oregon?



Ooo, I like it! Hard-hitting, specific... good stuff. I imagine the answer will speak to Oregon's schedule, what it was that Northwestern and Indiana did right, etc. Terry, take it away!

When selecting the 64 teams in the tournament, the Division I Women's Volleyball Committee reviews the selection criteria, which includes head-to-head, win/loss, common opponents, results of the RPI and input from regional advisory committees.

...what just happened. Did I black out? Did I miss the answer? 'Cause surely that vague generality posing as an answer wasn't the complete response given, right? RIGHT?! It is?! Oh wow.

Question #2:
Why are some of the regional finals placed in cities that do not draw the fan support? It seems to make better sense to leave the regional finals in places like Palo Alto, Calif., Omaha, Neb., Austin and Los Angeles.

OK, different direction. I didn't realize this was a problem after the absolute debacle at Texas A&M a few years ago (for shame!). Let's hear the answer.

The committee reviews all bids from schools/cities that choose to bid. When making the decisions on future sites the committee looks at attendance, facilities and providing a great experience for our student-athletes. The committee is conscious of growing the sport by expanding to cities that haven't hosted and bringing great college volleyball to new areas of the country.

OK, they do understand that the second half of that answer kinda negates what was said in the first half? Decisions are made based on attendance... yet "the committee is conscious of growing the sport to cities that haven't hosted."

And that's a terrible phrase, "the committee is conscious of growing the sport." It's corporate double-talk for saying that while they consider attendance, they will go out on a limb and try different, unproven cities in an effort to grow the sport. All that's missing is the word "incentivize" and "vertical integration." SHEESH.

The next two questions really weren't that interesting, then they had another good, specific one:

Any thought originally given about Cal being seeded higher?

Excellent. Cal is the #7 seed, they just won the PAC 10, so the question makes sense. Answer?

The committee is continually evaluating the top 16 teams throughout the weekend and looking at them with regard to the criteria.

[exhale] Really? That's it? That's your answer? You don't want any extra time to think it over? What in the wide world of sports is a-goin' on?

Is the NCAA getting full course credit for this? I hope not. How do you answer a specific question about where Cal was seeded without using the actual words "Cal" or "seed" in the so-called answer?

Why not just say "I have no recollection of that conversation, senator"? I mean, if you're going to go with vague, indirect non-answers, why not go all the way in?

I don't even want to read this last question.

What went into keeping Kentucky in (the field) despite its early season struggles?

Another excellent question, but, honestly? I'm not expecting anything at this point. If the answer was "garbanzo cul de sac catamaran," I wouldn't bat an eye.

The committee looks at the whole body of work when evaluating the teams selected to the tournament.

Bingo. Way to go.

Look, NCAA, as Jon Stewart would say, meet me at camera three: Don't bother publishing a Q&A if you're not going to provide actual A's to the Q's. Don't ask us to give input if you're not going to respect us enough to give cogent answers.

This is like a man asking his mechanic, "Why do I need to replace my spark plugs?" and the mechanic saying, "Car parts make the car go 'vrooom.'"

Well, duh.

Fail.