Hey! Let's make fun of things people said!

"I don’t think less of Jerritt Elliott, I just see less. The Texas women’s volleyball coach lost almost 40 pounds since last season when he gave up all caffeine, all sweets, all anything that tastes good." - from The Statesman. Translation: Jerritt Elliott has been in a bad mood since sometime last season.

"Our focus wasn't on ruining the great season Ball State had." - Toledo's Greg Smith. I dunno... ruination is an awfully good motivator, Smith. Seems like a missed opportunity.

"Tied for the 2010 Ivy women's volleyball title, Penn and Yale face off in a playoff Sunday, with the winner earning the League's NCAA Championship automatic bid." - from IvyLeagueSports.com. A tie in the Ivy League is broken on the court? That's kinda disappointing. I was hoping it was some kind of cage match involving slide rules and pocket protectors.

"We play it clean!" - new slogan of the FIVB, which sounds like it belongs to some kind of intramural shower nerf. But in actuality it's a result of every player that competed in the recent World Championships testing negative for performance-enhancing drugs. No wonder we lost.

"We had middle blockers making pancakes, defensive specialists and outside hitters." - Cal's Rich Feller. The misplaced modifier strikes again, because I'm sure Rich didn't mean that in addition to grilling up some flapjacks, his middles were also creating people in the form of defensive specialists and outside hitters.

"We ran into a buzzsaw last night." - Purdue's Dave Shondell on his team's match with Michigan. How come no one ever runs into other kinds of saws? "Boy, I tell ya', we ran into a real miter saw last night," or other members of the industrial arts? "We had a good week of practice, then just ran into an absolute Phillips head screwdriver." And what happens when you throw a monkey wrench at a buzzsaw? Is that like an immovable object meeting an irresistible force? Do you open a wormhole to a parallel dimension?