Week 2, wherein we discover that nothing is what it seems

Anyone need a timeout? No? Just me?

Of course, this week's big news was that Alabama State beat North Carolina Central. But in other news...

The Big Four thing went well? - Texas beats Penn State, who beats Florida, who beats Stanford. Then Texas beats Stanford, too. So, mathematically, T>PSU>FLA>S. But, does T-S = PSU/FLA? And what about H?

Michigan 4, Oregon 0 - "And no one understands 'Portlandia,' either!"

Your Kansas beats Ar-Kansas - It's a play on words.

But then Ar-Kansas beats your Kansas? - It's the worst variation of Rock Paper Scissors ever.

Careful, Trojans! - USC wins game one against TCU, 25-9, then they almost drop the ball, barely winning in four. It's like they suddenly discovered the horned frog is actually a lizard or something.

Whoa. Air Force. Dude. - The Falcons go all "Get. Off. My. Plane." on Long Beach. Yes, we knew they'd be better with McShane, Swindle, and Maxwell at the helm, but... this is way more impressive than when the stealth bomber flies over football games.

Thanks, Ray? - Since almost losing to Northern Illinois in 5, the Buckeyes have since defeated Western Kentucky and Florida State.

Good things come in Serbian packages - Jovana Bjelica is a big reason why the Tar Heels are 6-0 right now. Bjelica graduated from Zemunska Gimnazija. You know Zemunska Gimnazija, right? The Fighting Czonsjanatzs? They have the BEST Sadie Hawkins Dance.

The Valley is way hipper now - Also 6-0? CSUN. Let's go to the Galleria for pizza, you guys!

From the Land of Petrie - Don't look now, but the Toreros are in danger of escaping the First Round of Doom if they keep up this level of play. USD's only loss is to the Horns that are Long, with wins over Illinois, Hawaii, and Iowa State.

Illinois slowly driving Hambly insane - Beat Florida State! Lose to Long Beach State. Beat Kentucky! Lose to San Diego. Beat Iowa State! Captured spies don't have to endure this kind of abuse.

Welcome to "This Week in Irony" - College of Charleston beats Indiana. Tune in next week, in case Pacific beats Stanford.

Walking Dead: Wisconsin - The Kitchen Sink is back! And the Badgers continue to win, sweeping L'ville and beating UNI.

Autumn Bailey, ladies and gents - Marquette's frosh from the Maple Leaf Nation had 20 kills and hit .378 against TCU. Plus, she's really more of a Winter.