The End of the Big 12 has been averted. Texas says, "You're welcome."

Hold off on those 2012 Mayan calendar / Big 12 dissolution conspiracy theories! (Too late, John Cusack.)

At the 11th hour (Or is it 12th? More bad number puns to come), Texas has announced that they are staying in the Big 12, which basically saves the conference from being swallowed whole by the Big 10, Pac 10, and SEC. (First order of business: Get a new director for the Big 12.)

Of course, this unfortunately means that they can lord this fact over everyone for the rest of time.

Elliott: We'd like to pass around at 5:30.

Fritz: Ooo, sorry, we pass at 5:30. Can you do 5:45?

Elliott: You know, I didn't want to say anything, but we did save the entire conference...

Fritz: (sigh) Fine, you can pass at 5:30.

Elliott: Thanks, Susie. You're the best!

Fritz: Painintheass...

Elliott: What's that, Sooz?

Fritz: Nothing! See you at 5:30!  

Of course, much like LOST, this raises as many questions as it answers.

• Does the Pac 10 go after other teams? 
• Does the Big 12 try to find replacements for Colorado and Nebraska? 
• Do the Big 10 and Big 12 swap conference names and "players to be named later"?
• Is Hilbert one of the "candidates"? Or is his name crossed out inside some stupid cave that we'll never get the background history of?