When booing is outlawed, only outlaws will boo

Waldorf and Statler may be out of a job in Washington.

Washington is already a kooky state. It's way up there in the top left corner, practically part of Canada. Maybe that explains why the state high school athletic association is considering banning booing at all events. Sounds Canadian, doesn't it?

So why is this rule needed? Not enough funds for a new state-sponsored hand-holding policy?

Mike Colbrese, executive director of the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association, said "It's the organized effort to try to intimidate or try to make fun of someone that becomes personal in nature that can escalate then into other concerns that we might have."

...wow. And I thought Fran Flory was long-winded. Couldn't Colbrese just say "Booing is a gateway drug"? Is that so hard?

We're not buying this premise anyway. It's the booing that's causing all the problems? Yeah, not the obnoxious parents who can't let go of their childhood and are now living vicariously through their children's athletic exploits. Nor is it the 110-pound guy with bad acne with new and colorful ways to insult a player's manhood (and/or mom), or all the dudes who feel like they've gotta "represent" by acting like morons.

No, couldn't be any of that.

Doesn't Colbrese realize what happens if you ban booing? People in the stands now have no choice but to express their displeasure through insults.

"I couldn't boo, so of course I told the guy he was a club-footed chowderhead from France. Duh."

So after that, they'll have to ban rude comments, then loud speaking, and finally we'll come to the point where school officials are dispersed amongst the crowd to discourage frowning.

"I'm sorry sir. Either smile or keep your face in an emotionally neutral state. You should picture Switzerland, but on your face."