Marshall: Light years ahead of us, technologically

Crime is an issue every college campus has to deal with, some more than others (I hear Moscow, Idaho, is a riot zone). And unfortunately, Marshall University, location of the ongoing Type A collision experiments, was the victim of a recent robbery.

According to police reports mentioned in the Marshall Parthenon, someone broke into a storage closet in the volleyball lockerroom and stole "one surround sound system, five pairs of athletic shoes and 14 pairs of sweatpants."

"One surround sound system"? Why is Mitch Jacobs storing his surround system in the women's volleyball lockerroom? Does his wife have something against subwoofers? And where does that mean he keeps his plasma TV?

I know, personally, if I can't watch video of a recent match without full-on THX, I just can't work. I can't! I won't. I want the match to come at me from every angle, especially when the team manager monitoring the camera embarks on a 10-minute "discussion" with his girlfriend about why he doesn't want to join her father's thriving phrenology business.

In their attempts to push the envelope, I understand that Marshall is teaming with PIXAR to help the Herd make their scouting tapes more palatable for the team. Apparently it's much more fun to see Buzz Lightyear dish a 4-ball to a clownfish with an undersized fin while Boo covers.