Bob: A good story we can't help but poke fun at

Have you heard of Bob from BeatBob.com? No? You are SO missing out. Bob is a one-man volleyball team that travels the country challenging people to matches while also spreading a message to the youth of America about avoiding drugs and bad decisions.

It's like Up With People, but with more humiliation.

(It should be noted that it's kinda tough to poke fun at a guy who's doing a genuinely good thing, but...)

But before we get to Bob's obvious playing prowess: Look at that head of hair! Jeff Stork, on his best day, wishes he had a head of hair like this guy. It's almost Devo-esque in its brilliance.

As for Bob's skillz, when I read about him beating all these teams my first thought was "I gotta see some video." And there is video on his website. But it's kinda hard to tell what's going on, or if who he's playing is any good. The whole thing feels like a 1984 infomercial, with lots of synth rock. Of course, I actually feel bad for doing that because, after all, it's about the kids, not about trying to disprove Bob's skill level, right?

FYI, there are helpful instructions for those who are hosting a Bob event:

"IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT THEY HEAR THE MESSAGE BEFORE THEY BECOME ENSLAVED BY DRUGS AND ALCOHOL."

Well, I don't wanna get into an argument about the other ways young people can avoid being enslaved by the glory of drugs and alcohol, so I'll just give Bob this one. (He's awfully insistent.)

"THESE THINGS MUST BE IN PLACE BEFORE YOU INTRODUCE ME:"

OK, here we go.

"--2 Electric Extension cords to reach the back line of the court."

Check.

"--A table to place my computer on the back of the court"

Sure.

"--Ice water for Bob"

What's with referring to himself in the third person all of a sudden? If the next one's "Bob likes his chicken spicy," I'm outta here.

"--Scoreboard on and ready with an operator"

Fair enough.

"--Girl’s team, boy’s team, and staff team and or youth leaders in that order."

You know, that's a little pushy. We'll line our teams up HOW and WHERE we want t--

"--Teams all lined up and on deck ready to come onto the court"

You want a piece of me? Do ya'? What're you lookin' at?

"--Referee calling just the boundary lines. I let the teams hit the ball anyway they want to."

Oh, so drugs and alcohol: bad, but sloppy ball handling is just fine?! It's go time!

"--4 ball boys/or girls, one in each corner of the gym each holding volleyballs. Best to use soft leather volleyballs."

...wow. I never thought of it that way.

"--Be sure all exhaust fans are off to help with acoustics"

(sniff) You are so right... I'm gonna call my mom, tell her I love her.

"-- Have teachers sit in with students if at all possible"

No, thank you, Bob. Thank you.