WOW.

The finals couldn't have gone better if they were directed by Michael Bay and shown in IMAX HD 3D. Down 0-2, Texas in a groove, and Destinee Hooker ascending to otherworldly status before our eyes, when the fickle femme fatale of volleyball, Mo, started slowwwwly swinging Penn State's way. Hodge started heating up, BlairBrown (one word) dug tip in the 2 zone, and the Nittany Lions stopped serving Kisner, while PSU also rotated BlairBrown to block vs. Hooker, and the next thing you know, Penn State has made even more history. A whole clump of history. A big ol' pile of history.

The volleyball:

Destinee Hooker - Legendary. The performance of a lifetime. Meryl Streep, on her absolute best day, wishes she had a performance like Hooker's under her belt. Attilla the Hun wishes he had been as ruthless in his day as Hooker was on Saturday.

Megan Hodge - OK, not the best outing she's ever had, but the people that think that one match proved she shouldn't have been POY are smoking some goooood stuff. Plus she put on a passing performance that Aldis Berzins would have been proud of.

That Baby - Despite an unbelievable match, the baby being held up in front of the camera during a timeout late in the match on Saturday almost stole the show. 10,000 people went from gasping at the show on the court to laughing at a wide-eyed slobber-mouthed toddler in a ski hat staring at the camera.

And a Dorton shall lead them - Well, for two games at least. The freshman was about the only thing going right for Penn State early on. She even stared down Doris after inadvertently taking a ball to the face after the whistle -- of course Hooker was having none of that, destroying a 4-ball on the very next play.

Sideline, everybody! - What's the deal with that new protocol? Are they afraid the "average viewer" is going to be lost if we come back from commercial and the players are on the court already? I swear the ghost of Emily Post haunts the sport of volleyball. Do they want the players on the bench to cross their legs at the ankle, too?

Hi, Joan! How was, uh, your weekend? - Yes, Joan Powell is a very respected official, but YIKES.

All Hail The Kisner - Like a mini Patrick Roy, she did everything but stand on her head.

Poor BC - Think they could have used Quilico?


The Convention:

Billy Stone, ladies and gentleman! - He's passionate, he's well-spoken, but...what was that? The joke about the Texas pool? Something about girls from California, Jerritt getting them to stay, something-something...? Even the crickets couldn't figure that one out. Leave the comedy to someone who knows what they're doing, like...

Cassidy Lichtman! Two shows nightly! - THAT was funny. Dry, deadpan, brilliant. I felt like tipping my waiters and waitresses after her speech.

Everyone loves a good language barrier - If you can't be funny, be foreign, as Yiting Cao's speech won over every Grinch in the crowd.

But where's Rollo? - Sinjin Smith was handing out the awards on Friday in one of the cooler cameos at the Final Four in a while. Are he and Karch on speaking terms yet? Anyone?

Hey! It's Taylor Carico! And again! - Poor Carico, victim of an unfortunate camera angle that put her lurking behind MC Reynaud on the giant screens every time the former Seminole spoke during the AA banquet. Hopefully it was a good hair day.

But are the shoes any good? - I've never put on a pair of Nfinity shoes, but if that career doesn't pan out, the CEO has a future in party MCing. Just saying.

Do it for the children - Everybody who's anybody, seemingly, wants collegiate sand volleyball, apparently so their grandchildren can play it.

WNVA's comin', y'all - OK, so if I understood the presentation correctly, this show is going to be like "Making the Band," except the "band" is a new pro league, but I don't know who's in the P Diddy role yet, plus Stacie Sykora cried, and Nellie Spicer wouldn't mind an adidas sponsorship. Is that about right?

Splitsville! - Suddenly bowling seems...socially acceptable, although Jim Gaffigan would disagree.