The British think they're sooooo superior

I tend to get annoyed when people pick on volleyball. Especially if they're British. It seems that some British dude, Lord Mawhinney, is proposing that soccer games--"football" for those of you who lost the American Revolution--that are tied at the end of regulation be decided by shootout.

Well, Clyde Tyldesley of the Telegraph is quite outraged. Sure, a shootout "would be an exciting way to settle all drawn games," Tyldesley writes, but "so would Russian roulette or strip poker."

OK, that's pretty funny. Good show, old chap, shepherd's pie lorries bangers and mash, etc. But not very relevant. Is Mawhinney that out of line for proposing a way to eliminate those deeply satisfying ties? Afterall, competitions are held to decide a winner, not to knock yourself out for 2 hours and then decide, "Eh. Let's just agree to disagree."

But fine, purists argue about this in hockey and soccer all the time, so, peace be with you, live long and prosper, enjoy your 3-3 ties and we'll enjoy another Pac Man Jones arraignment. Now here's where volleyball comes into play:

"Why introduce the kind of gimmick that a fringe sport such as beach volleyball might resort to? Why not thongs instead of shorts?"

...um...what? "Fringe sport"? "Gimmick"? Ya' see, Jeeves, beach volleyball might be a fringe sport to you because the sun only comes out for 15 minutes each glorious English summer. But they don't have to resort to gimmicks such as thongs because...well, a lot of the women's suits are close to thong status already. But Walsh and the gals wear those suits by choice! Conscious choice!

And at least our fringe sports are what we like to refer to as "wicked awesome." Beach volleyball, snowboarding, street luge. What kind of fringe sports do you guys have? Night cricket? Street crocquet? Modern dentistry?

And if beach volleyball wanted to resort to gimmicks, they'd bury land mines around the courts, hose down the women in whipped cream, or idolize a pretty boy who marries a Spice Girl.

But then perhaps I've said too much.