Hoosiers tired of being disappointed by only Americans

According to iuhoosiers.com, Indiana has recruited their first international volleyball player ever. First ever. That's kinda shocking, isn't it? All these years, and not even one Canadian? Not one Serb? No Scots, Brits, or Spaniards? Never considered bringing in a Portuguese Man-o-war? A Dane? A Swiss Miss?

Martyna Popik, the fuzzy foreigner in question, comes to Bloomington from Liceum Stefana Zeromskiego in Poland with an exceptional resume. She won four Polish 1/4 Championship Tournament titles, and in 2004 and '05, MKS Bielsko-Biala won the Polish 1/2 Championship Tournament crown, and...

Oh what's the use. She could be totally making all of this up and we wouldn't ever know the difference. I have no idea what a Polish 1/4 Championship is. For all I know it's the equivalent of the South Dakota Middle School State Championship. "Liceum Stefana Zeromskiego"? What in the world is that? Polish 1/2 Championship? Who knows.

Recruiting foreign athletes is a lot like talking with the mechanic at your car dealership.

"Mr. Franklin, that rattling sound was a blown MKS Bielsko-Biala."

"Ah. What?"

Or

"I'd like to come play at your school."

"What did you do in Croatia?"

"Well, I was Grand Poobah for the Catalytic Converter Institute Tournament in Minsk..."

"Ooo!"

"...and followed that up with a win at the Transaxle Brake Fluid Invitational."

"That's...great?"