Ridiculously Bold Predictions!

Hey if John Clayton and Sean Salisbury can do it, I see no reason why I can't blabber on and on with little to no true insight about who might win this weekend. You know, just make up stuff.

Kentucky @ Florida - Obviously the Gators are still mourning from Tebow's concussion. I doubt Mary will even come to the match. Kentucky wins!

William & Mary @ James Madison - Two schools, three names. Obviously William and Mary outnumber James. William & Mary wins!

UCSB @ Long Beach State - Really this should be titled "Kathy vs. Brian," as that is all anyone cares about. This one's a toughie, so here's how I'll decide: If Brian argues a pointless non-call before Kathy makes someone on her team cry, LBSU wins!

Liberty @ Presbyterian - Liberty is Christian Evangelical. Presbyterian is...well, Presbyterian. So that's a wash. Presbyterian's website says "Take it on!" whereas Liberty's says "Training champions for Christ," and it's trademarked. Champions, trademarks. Liberty wins! (disclaimer: God may strike you dead for rooting against a religious schools' athletic events. Check your local forecast before establishing any binding loyalties.)

Stanford @ UCLA - Stanford is wobbly. UCLA is wonky. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down, Stanford in 4!

Weber State @ Montana State - Weber's not actually a state. Montana wins!

Appalachian State @ UNC Greensboro - Appalachian State is in Boone, NC, which has an elevation of 3,266 feet. UNC Greensboro, in Greensboro, natch, has an elevation of 873 feet. Do you realize how much momentum you can build up when you drop 2,393 feet? App State wins!

La Salle @ Xavier - La Salle is named in honor of Saint John Baptist de La Salle, who Wikipedia tells me dedicated much of his life to teaching the poor. But...c'mon, Xavier is named after Charles Xavier, who's the leader of the X-Men. Clearly, Xavier wins!

Missouri State @ Drake - If there's one thing Jerry has taught us, it's to "Hate the Drake!" MO State wins!

UC Davis @ UC Irvine - The basic laws of math tell us that the UCs cancel out, leaving us with Davis -- named after a farmer -- and Irvine -- named after a real estate development company. This tells me that Irvine will acquire Davis and build some lovely condos where all that farm land is, driving up the price on the surrounding properties and making Irvine a pile of money...on the volleyball court. Irvine wins!