Wait, what Oakland are we talking about?

Rob Beam, the Beamer, the Beam Team, formerly of Illinois State, has signed his first recruit at Oakland University, Katy Wilson from Texas. And in doing so, Mr. Beam displayed his superhuman observational skills.

"In watching her play I noticed right away that she was highly skilled, fiercely competitive, and both mentally and physically tough."

Right away you noticed all that? Sheesh! I'm lucky if I notice what day it is. This Rob Beam, he's like that guy on "Psych."

"Off the court Katy is smart, funny, outgoing, and a young woman of character."

Did Beam recruit Sandra Bullock? After a glowing recommendation like that, I'm expecting a quote on par with the Gettysburg Address from young Katy Wilson.

"The campus is really pretty."

...

...OK, that's unfair. Wilson says more than that. We just couldn't resist.