We're talking about Long Beach, right?

As you know, it's banquet season, and volleyball websites are dutifully recounting the events by letting you know who won MVP, Most Inspiring, Most Improved, and so on.

But we doubt you'll find a more...curious description of a banquet's events than that given by the Long Beach Press-Telegram's Doug Krikorian. In a breezy style, Krikorian covers a variety of topics in one column, from a conversation with Tommy Lasorda (15 paragraphs) to Gary Anderson's coaching performance at Long Beach City College (one sentence).

But the Long Beach State banquet is described in the same manner Dorothy Parker might describe a night at the Algonquin. For example, take this paragraph describing Brian Gimmillaro's wife Dania's outfit for the event:

Naturally, Long Beach's very own Cindy Crawford, Dania Gimmillaro, dazzling 6-foot wife of the 5-9 Gimmillaro, stood out sartorially in her shockingly gleaming knee-high white boots and chic mini-skirt, and, oh, did she and I have an uncontrollable giggle together at the expense of, of all people, this city's zaniest character, Dickie (Too Fast Too Furious/Count Dracula) Babian.

And I stepped on the ping-pong ball! I just squashed it to bits. It was just ghaaastly.

Seems like an odd tone for a sports page. In Long Beach, California.

Krikorian goes on to describe with glee the source of their giggle, which was that zany Dickie Babian answering his cellphone. Oh, Dickie! You cad!

Read the whole thing here.

Photo from Algonquin Hotel.